Icha Icha: The EroSannin
by Brim Wraith
Summary: Jiraiya is in a writing funk and needs new ideas when he overhears an interesting conversation. Tsunade doesn't believe Naruto when he says the fox prevents him from getting drunk so he can out drink her leading to a bet. Naruto/Tsunade oneshot


In the village of Konohagakure a great sage was having trouble. Was there some powerful enemy that he could not defeat? Was the village being threatened? Had something horrible happened to the mighty sage?

"GAH! I HATE WRITER'S BLOCK! I CAN'T FINISH MY LATEST ICHA ICHA!"

….in a way the answer to all those questions was simply, yes.

Jiraiya was to the point of pulling out his hair, for three days he hadn't found any inspiration to help him write his latest Icha Icha Paradise book and for Jiraiya that was a serious problem. He had spied on just about every bathhouse, been to every brothel, and had taken a few punches in the face from Tsunade after asking her to model for him and still could not find inspiration. Even his apprentice Naruto was no help as he was currently training with his elemental affinity.

_'This maybe the end of Icha Icha as we know it if I don't get any ideas.' _Jiraiya was about to give up and ask his apprentice or his sensei Kakashi if they had any ideas when he heard an interesting conversation between the Hokage and said apprentice.

"Naruto I think Anko was exaggerating when she said you drank her under the table." Jiraiya pressed his ear up to the window and listened in, this could turn into an interesting conversation.

"Baachan it's no lie, the fox makes it almost impossible for me to get drunk and Anko-chan wouldn't take no for an answer so I accepted her drinking challenge and won." Tsunade looked at the young boy before and wondered where the years went. Three years ago he was a scrawny malnourished brat and now he was a handsome young man...who at times was still a brat, but she loved him all the same.

"So is that why Anko told me she couldn't accept the mission I was going to assign her?" Naruto simply smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess so baa-chan." Tsunade's eye twitched at being called grandma but she knew it was Naruto's way of showing respect...as rude as it sounded.

"I still think you're lying about not being able to get drunk." Naruto looked at her square in the face and leaned forward, his face was all serious and for a moment both sannin saw Naruto's father Minato.

"How about a bet than? Just like with the necklace you gave me." He played with it and Tsunade couldn't help but smile, ever since she had given it to him he had never taken it off and actually almost crippled a man that had tried to steal it from him. Tsunade also leaned forward and laced her fingers together and smirked. Part of her was screaming that she should not take a bet with the blonde container as he seemingly had the luck of the devil while she...well she was known throughout Fire Country as 'The Legendary Sucker.' But the gambling addict in her won out the argument and she smiled at the young man.

"What are the stakes?" Naruto smiled, but not a regular smile it was one of those smiles that meant he had something you really wanted and would do anything to have.

"Simple, if you win I stop calling you baa-chan." Tsunade scoffed.

"Is that all? Not much of a bet brat."

"I'm not finished hime, if you win I'll also tell you the secret to beating paperwork so you can have more fun and not be stuck in the office all day."

Tsunade froze at hearing this. He'd stop calling her old hag and tell her how do defeat the bane of kage's? She doubted he actually knew how to defeat the dreaded paperwork but Naruto wasn't known as Konoha's number one unpredictable knucklehead ninja for nothing.

"Okay and if you win brat?" She was surprised Naruto had called her hime, normally only his perverted master called her that though both called her it with love not like it was some title like lord or something to that nature.

"Simple hime, if I win you have to go out on a date with me." Jiraiya nearly tripped at hearing this while Tsunade was surprised. Naruto could have asked for anything, free ramen for life, for Tsunade to name him her successor, for all kunoichi to wear skimpy bikinis....okay maybe that was Jiraiya hoping his apprentice had been corrupted into a pervert but to ask for something as simple as taking Tsunade out on a date? Once again the blonde showed why he was the most unpredictable.

Tsunade was confident she could win. After all she was the greatest medic in the world and her body could purge alcohol from her system while she drank which made getting her hammered very hard. Plus as much as Tsunade hated to admit it she was in her 50's while Naruto wasn't even eighteen yet, she could easily beat him due to experience. So with a smile she extended her hand and shook Naruto's declaring her acceptance of the challenge. Jiraiya meanwhile was busy taking notes, the writers block had been suffering from was being chipped away thanks to his apprentice.

_'I knew I taught the kid well!' _

"So brat, when do you want to do this?" Jiraiya nearly slipped off the roof at hearing this. His perverted mind was working overtime and almost everything that was said was being turned into a sexual innuendo.

"As soon as you're done baa-chan, then we can head to your place and I can show you a thing or two."

Jiraiya was furiously writing as he heard all this. His apprentice was a genius! And he wasn't even trying! This maybe one of the best Icha Icha books he will ever write and all thanks to his knuckleheaded apprentice.

_'I may have not corrupted you to the ways of the pervert Minato but I have gotten your son! HAHAHA!'_

"Well brat I'm pretty much done for the day so let's go. I'm gonna show you why experience helps when doing this."

Jiraiya couldn't take it anymore and hearing that coming from the woman he's had a crush on since childhood was too much as he rocketed off the roof from a catastrophic nosebleed crashing onto the ground with a large boom making both Tsunade and Naruto wonder what the hell that was before shrugging and heading to the Hokage's place.

Jiraiya picked himself up and dusted himself off before taking off after the blonde duo. He was not about to miss this for the world!

Tsunade unlocked the door to her house and let Naruto in. The place was nice and cozy and Naruto noticed that Tsunade seemed to like purple, though not as much as Ino thankfully.

"Well make yourself comfy Naruto-kun, I'll be back with the bottles." Naruto simply sat down on the couch and relaxed, something he could only truly do when in the company of certain people, the buxom blonde being one of them.

"Sure hime, take your time." Tsunade smiled at being called that though a shiver ran up her spine as she entered her room. She had a feeling they were being watched and she had an idea just who was watching.

_'I swear if I find out he's spying on me I'll punch his lights out.' _ She thought while cracking her knuckles. No, no she couldn't think about that. Now was the time to beat Naruto in this bet and be free of paperwork forever. Tsunade decided to change into something more comfortable and stripped down before putting on some simple pajama bottoms and a button up top that once belonged to Dan. She thought about her lover and thought maybe she should move on, she just only hoped Jiraiya still loved her or maybe...no she couldn't. Naruto was far too young and he had his whole future ahead of him, but he seemed to be a lot more...flirtatious with her lately and wondered if her old team mate had anything to do with it.

_'I swear if he corrupted my Naruto-ku---' _Tsunade blinked and realized what she just thought.

Her Naruto-kun?

When did she stake a claim in the young blonde?

_'Then again I've always been protective of him since he won that bet with me...I've wasted too much time.'_

Tsunade snapped out of her thoughts and left her room and went to her kitchen to grab some bottles. Coming into the living room with six bottles she smiled seeing Naruto relaxing on the couch, his jacket off and on the armrest.

"Don't tell me you fell asleep brat? We haven't even started yet." Naruto's eyes popped open and he smiled at her.

"Nope, just relaxing hime. Was waiting for you, you look nice in those pajamas by the way."

"Thank you but compliments aren't going to get you out of this one."

"Please baa-chan, I'm ready to kick your butt again like I did before." Tsunade put two small saucers down on the coffee table and took a seat on one side watching as Naruto took a seat opposite her. She filled the dishes and raised her saucer.

"Then bring it on Naruto-kun." and with that first gulp the contest was on.

Four bottles later Tsunade was feeling buzzed though she didn't show it while Naruto didn't even look effected at all.

"Baa-chan....I love you." Naruto said with a slight slur. Tsunade merely smiled though the sake was making her blush as well.

"You too brat, say Naruto I was wondering something." She said while refilling both their saucers.

"Yeah hime-chan?" This got another smile from her.

"Are you still after Sakura or have you found another girl?" Naruto merely smiled and downed his dish.

"Mmm, Sakura-chan is great but lately I seem to find myself being attracted to older women." That got Tsunade's attention.

"Like who Naruto-kun?" She didn't realize it until now that both of them were inching close to each other as they drank and now were right next to each other.

"Women like Anko-chan, Kurenai-sensei, Shizune-neechan, you, Tsume-chan, you know older women with that special something." Tsunade may have been buzzed but she didn't miss that fact Naruto added her to the list.

"That's quite a list you got Naruto-kun, but most of them are taken or aren't looking for a relationship."

"Well you're not taken Tsunade-hime." Naruto quickly said as he downed another dish followed by her.

"True but I'm not looking either Naru-kun." She was right next to him and any closer and she would be in his lap though part of her thought that maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing.

"Why not? You deserve happiness hime, everyone does." Tsunade laid her head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head before resting his head on hers.

"I'm past my time for happiness Naruto, I had it once and now it's my job to make sure you find happiness." She said seriously though the slight slur kind of killed off any seriousness the statement had.

"Hime if you're happy, then I'm happy you know that." Naruto grabbed her hand and kissed it hearing a sigh come from the slug sannin.

"Why would you want someone like me anyway Naru-kun? What do I have that others don't?" She looked up and Naruto's face and saw his eyes. Where once they were full of happiness and shined brightly now they were deep dark blue orbs that were filled with sadness.

"You're one of the only females who knows about the fox and doesn't care, you believe in me while others don't, you've shown me you care for me, and as much as you may deny what I'm about to say..." Naruto leaned forward and kissed her, his lips feeling soft upon hers as he nipped her bottom lip, his tongue gaining access when she gasped. Though the kiss lasted only a few seconds for both of them it was years. When Naruto pulled away he put down his dish and pulled the slug princess into his lap nuzzling her neck and growling softly.

"I love you Tsunade, I truly do." She placed her hand over his and could feel him nuzzle her neck and for the first time in a long time she felt content, loved, and protected. Even though she was one of the legendary sannin she never gave up on that childhood dream of a knight in shining armor protecting her. Naruto despite what many in the village thought was a knight in shining armor, willing to protect anyone and lay down his life for the safety of his village. She could feel Naruto laying soft kisses on her neck and felt her body heat up, it had been a long time since she had been with a man and even longer still since a man made her feel like this.

She turned to look at the blonde jinchuriki and realized he had limited options in terms of possible love-interests, most civilian women would never even think of being with him due to his tenant and a lot of the shinobi women with the exception of a few like Anko who knew about the fox didn't see Naruto that way. She pulled his head towards her as they both shared another kiss, this one longer and much more passion filled than the first one.

Naruto kissed his way down her neck and nibbled on her shoulder area making her giggle as his whiskers tickled.

"Naru-kun, not here. Let's go to my room okay?" Naruto just smiled and did something she didn't expect. He picked her up bridal style making her laugh in surprise as he carried her to her room the whole time she was blushing like a newly-wed bride. Meanwhile Jiraiya was watching through a small slit between the curtains of the window.

_'No! No! Don't go into the bedroom! Damnit, now I have to watch through the bedroom window that has no curtains, I better use my transparency jutsu otherwise I'll be seen and be on the ass end of an ass kicking by possibly both of them.'_

Naruto laid Tsunade's body down on the bed and laid down slightly on her kissing her stomach and making his way upwards towards her face. When he reached her face both them just stared into each others eyes. Naruto's were full of love for the woman beneath him and the smile he had on was genuine, something a lot of people rarely saw.

_'All the love in those eyes, all for me.' _Tsunade thought as Naruto kissed her softly on the lips only for Tsunade to grab a handful of his blonde hair and deepen the kiss.

"I love you Tsunade-hime." Naruto said after Tsunade allowed him to breathe. She cupped his cheek with her hand and smiled at him, though this was a mischievous smile.

"I love you too Naruto-kun, now show me what you can do with that unlimited stamina of yours." Jiraiya had to hold his nose as he took note after note or he would've been blasted off by another nosebleed. Tears were streaming down Jiraiya's face as he heard Tsunade moan Naruto's name when he suckled on a spot on her neck....he was damn proud of that gaki.

Tsunade flipped them over and now was straddling Naruto's waist running her hands under his shirt and up his chest, feeling his hard abs and toned chest. While most women in the village gave Naruto shit about being the container of the nine-tailed fox most did agree he had a body to die for. Hours of constant work out and a healthy diet did wonders for the once malnourished blonde. Naruto grabbed Tsunade's hips and she gasped as a pleasurable jolt went through her. According to Naruto he didn't listen to Jiraiya's lessons about seduction and women but to Tsunade he was either lying or was a natural at touching a woman in the right spots. She tugged on Naruto's shirt and he got the hint stripping the offending garment off allowing the slug princess to see the result of his three year training. She gasped as she felt Naruto's hands creep up her back, his fingers massaging small spots on her back she didn't even know had knots in them....okay he was definitely lying about not listening to Jiraiya's seduction training. Before she even realized it Naruto had gotten off her top and was sucking on her nipples, occasionally nibbling on them making her moan and arch her back.

….okay he definitely took some lessons.

"Naru-kun, am I your first?" Naruto looked up and smiled before kissing her.

"Yes hime, you are my first. Pervy Sage kept offering to buy me a girl but I wanted to lose it to someone special that I cared about." That was all Tsunade had to hear as she pushed him to lay back down. She could feel Naruto's hardness and knew the kid was much bigger than most guys his age, whether it was Kyuubi's influence or something he inherited from his father was unknown though according to Kushina Minato was hung like a horse so maybe it was genetic. All Tsunade knew was that Naruto had a big one and it was pushing up against her crotch as she ground into him making Naruto moan. Several times she saw his eyes flash from blue to red and hoped the fox wouldn't try anything. Slowly she moved down so she could pull his pants down and what greeted her as she got his boxers off was in a word a monster. If word got around about the anaconda Naruto was carrying in his pants women regardless of the stigma he carried would be after him.

_'Sorry ladies, he's all mine. Get your own.' _She thought before slowly giving the head a lick making the blonde jinchuriki moan with pleasure.

"Tsunade-hime!" The fact he was moaning her name and her name alone made her happy as she sucked half of him down smiling in her head as she saw him grip the sheets and gasp with pleasure. When she looked up she saw his eyes flash to red before turning back to blue. Though his eyes were blue they were the slit eyes of the fox.

"Naru-kun?" Before she could ask anything else he lifted her up and laid her down on her back his hands gliding over her legs and rubbing her clit.

"My hime." Was all he said as he pulled her pajama bottoms off and saw her wet panties. He sniffed the air and slowly pulled her panties off leaving her as naked as he was. She watched as he kissed her feet and made his way down her legs hitting several erogenous zones that made her moan before he placed both of her legs on his shoulders and began sliding his tongue up and down her slit.

"Naru-kun! Oh god!" Naruto shoved his tongue in and while his hime was enjoying herself slid and finger in and began licking her clit.

"My hime?" He said and she realized he was asking her if she was his.

"Yes Naruto-kun, I'm yours!" Naruto continued eating her out while sliding two fingers into her at the same time making her body quiver as several small orgasms hit her.

Naruto stopped and pulled his fingers out smiling when he heard Tsunade moan in displeasure. Not wanting to make his princess unhappy he kissed her again allowing his tongue to twirl with hers. So lost in pleasure during the kiss was Tsunade she didn't notice Naruto putting one of her legs up on his shoulder until she felt the head of his cock against her entrance.

"Love you hime." Three simple but powerful words were all that was said as Naruto slid into her, her body hit by a wave of pleasure so great it made her blackout for a few seconds.

Tsunade awoke to see her blonde jinchuriki looking at her with concern, his eyes still blue and slitted.

"Naruto-kun, I'm sorry to worry you it's just been a long time and it felt amazing when you went in. Don't stop." Naruto smiled knowing he didn't hurt his princess and pumped into her feeling her tightness on him which made him growl though she could tell it was a pleasurable growl. Naruto grabbed her other leg and placed it on his other shoulder before hammering into her making her scream his name.

"YES NARUTO-KUN! RIGHT THERE, DON'T STOP! DON'T EVER STOP!" Meanwhile Jiraiya had two large tissue wads up his nose, both were thoroughly soaked in blood as he switched them out with fresh ones and kept writing in his black book.

For several hours Naruto and Tsunade went at it like rabbits on viagra, trying new positions, indulging in each others fantasies like Naruto eating ramen off of Tsunade's body and Tsunade pouring sake on his cock and sucking it off. Tsunade felt like a teenager again and the whole night she didn't notice the red glowing mark on her shoulder where Naruto bit her the first time he came in her, so happy he was at finally getting out of his writing funk Jiraiya also didn't notice the glowing mark on Tsunade.

The next morning Tsunade awoke, feeling happy and more refreshed then she had felt in a long long time. She felt sad when she noticed Naruto was not in bed with her but then she noticed the note on his pillow.

_Dear Hime,_

_Sorry I had to leave, I still have to finish my training so I can protect you and the village. If it were up to me I'd stay in bed all day with you. Anyways since neither of us technically "won" the contest I'll tell you the secret of defeating paperwork. Its two simple words: Kage Bunshin_

_Well love you my hime, I made you breakfast and it's on the table._

_Love,_

_Naruto_

_P.S. Don't worry about the mark on your shoulder, I'll explain it and what it does later! Love you!_

The post script got her attention, mark? What mark? She got up and walked into her bathroom and noticed her body seemed to glow and seemed...younger if possible. She leaned close and saw the spot where Naruto bit her and while she saw the two small points where his fangs pierced her she saw a small symbol, the kanji for nine. As she looked at it she saw it glow red before fading to black again.

_'I should just march right down to that training ground and ask him what the hell he put on me but he said not to worry and that he'd explain it later so I'll trust him.'_

"Man I feel great today, and since I know the secret to beating paperwork I can do that and enjoy my day. I have to thank the brat next chance I get."

**3 Months Later...**

Tsunade smiled as she sat at her desk reading Jiraiya's latest Icha Icha Paradise book. While she would never admit it aloud she bought the books to support her team mate, especially after his first book Adventures of the Gutsy Ninja failed to sell well. And while she would never admit it, the books weren't that bad especially this current one.

_As Namato kissed his way down Princess Tsunode's body she gasped out in pleasure as he dipped his tongue into her navel. The young ninja looked into the princess' eyes and smiled at her showing her he truly loved her._

"_My hime?" He said, making her realize he was asking if she was his._

"_Yes Namato-kun, I'm yours."_

Tsunade throughout the whole book felt as though the two main characters were familiar and it wasn't until she read those few lines she realized that Jiraiya had indeed spied on her and Naruto, as both characters were based on the them. She slowly closed the book and told the shadow clones doing paperwork she'd be back later.

Naruto was sitting at Ichiraku's eating ramen with Jiraiya. For some reason Jiraiya kept thanking him for making his latest smut novel a number one seller. He didn't remember when he helped him write it but hey he was getting free ramen what did he care? It wasn't until he saw his mate walking towards them that he realized what the pervert was thanking him for. Naruto at that moment decided he would not save the old pervert from the rejuvenated Tsunade's wrath. No he deserved the assbeating he was about to receive from his mate.

"Anyway again thanks Naruto for helping me make this book a number one seller!"

"And how did my Naruto-kun help make that book such a hot seller, huh Jiraiya?" Tsunade's voice was kind yet held a very angry undertone which did not go unnoticed by the toad sage.

"Tsunade-hime! What a surprise! Um Naruto helps me write the books sometimes, you know this!" Tsunade looked at Naruto and an unspoken message went between the two, the mark on Tsunade's shoulder glowed bright red and her eyes changed to red with slitted pupils.

"Wait Tsunade-hime! I'll make it up to you! I'll buy you sake...lots of sake!" Tsunade cracked her knuckles.

"Go on, I'm listening."

"Um, um, I'll take you to that new casino in Tanzaku! I'll even let you use my money!" Tsunade glared at the perverted sage and held up three fingers.

"You get a three second head start starting now."

"But...but Tsunade-hime! You know how much I donate to the village from the book sales!" Tsunade grabbed him by the hair and dragged him out the ramen stand Naruto following close behind.

"Time's up Jiraiya, be happy I'm only gonna hit you once and not kill you though if I ever find out you're using me or my Naruto-kun as references for your smut, consider your life forfeit." As she drew back her fist Jiraiya hoped she wasn't putting her full strength into this punch.

….It was wishful thinking as he flew through the air like a rocket landing far outside of Konoha's walls.

Tsunade grabbed Naruto and dragged him to the apartment they now shared the whole time he wondered what he did wrong. As they made it inside Tsunade carried him to the room and threw him on the bed allowing Naruto to see the feral look of lust in her eyes as she pounced on him.

Who was he to deny his queen her wishes?


End file.
